Flatulence makes us all human, but I do strive to be discreet.
I felt like a can of well shaken soda today.
The ride home was quietly musical.

The machine begins to squeal angrily without the lubrication of sleep.

I can say, "Queen, R.E.M, Billy Joel and Supertramp to my teens and they don't look at me like I'm speaking a foreign language.
Wings are great, but what do they do with the rest of the chicken? Is there a special chicken ranch where the chickens like bench press corn cobs and build up massive wings?

I never sleep well when the Force of Nature is away. Bed's all off kilter.
Bet she fell asleep reading her book.

psst. Click on the image for animation.





My dog is generally friendly. It's a dubious comfort that while my dog will bravely warn us of impending sack-like monsters (blobs, oozes, jellies, slimes and what-not); knife-wielding maniacs will likely get no more than a wagging tail and a friendly sniff.

At least she didn't pee on the carpet today.

I am a half-caffe, mocha-breve (with whipped cream). PT's is the best coffee shop in Topeka.
I do not own a beret.

Every now and then you just have to stop and invent a word. My libido has passed being merely described by an adjective. I have become NOUN.
I do not know why the hornutopia is rainbow colored. Please wear protective goggles when staring into the hornutopia.

According to the Mayan long calendar, the next world cycle begins in December of 2012.
I am totally sick to death of snow. I'd like to have Ted Nugent cook up Puxatony Phil with a red wine sauce. F**king ass-hat gopher.
I am employed for another year.

I had to explain World of Warcraft loot qualifiers to the Force of Nature. It was a full page e-mail.
Gettin' epic loots is fun!

Why is it the nastiest coin you have in your pocket never seems to get spent? It's like you're ashamed to give the coin to another person, because they'll think you made the coin that way.
No self-respecting hobo would eat nickels. You can't spend them on forties, then.

Little money, adequate penis, and my dog's pee is liquid crystal evil.
Pure sugar rainbows are what cotton candy is made from.

When reading "A Wrinkle in Time", Mrs. Which's voice is supposed to be a stutter. My throat wasn't up to that, so I did Stephen Hawking's electronic voice instead.
All robots in the future will talk like Stephen Hawking. The scary ones will talk like Stephen King.

I was suppose to be having sex this evening. That did not work out as planned.
Falling asleep at 8:00pm only leaves me listening to my iPod at 2:00am.
The glow of the Chuck E. Cheese illuminates my bedroom.

The Vagina Monologues were not nearly as anti-man as I had been told to expect. I'm not sure why all the actors wore red.
Be nice to women. Your mom was a woman. My mom would have been uncomfortable.

The force of nature and I really don't celebrate Valentine's Day, as it comes very close to our wedding anniversary. I'll make up for it later.

What would 10.2 million people having sex actually sound like?

Sometimes too much stuff happens at once. The boys at the O.O.C. want me to roll initiative.
Rice crispy treats are breakfast cereal, right?

That was a really cool documentary. I am getting over my cold; but the Tibetans were no help at all.

psst. click to see the animation





I hate being sick. Is it a cold? Is it the flu? Is it Ebola? I can never tell, and I am a terrible patient. Sleep would be good now.

The Muse has children. The children have a toy monkey, that when thrown, emits a high pitched screaming sound. I understand that when you throw children, they make a high pitched screaming sound as well.

I was later told the monkey mysteriously disappeared.

I took my "Force of Nature" to see "P.S. I Love You". I was weepy through the whole movie. I am not ashamed to admit that.

It is disconcerting to have a giant crane outside your office window. I think they were fixing a sign or something. The guys riding in the little cage seemed very smug.

The Docking Building on Topeka Boulevard has a huge HVAC exhaust system that sits very near the street. It occurred to me, that the expelled air contained the sweat of every office worker in the building. I felt like I needed a shower after that.

"Watch out where the huskies go, and don't you eat that yellow snow". Frank Zappa knew what he was talking about.

I'm really really tired of snow. Also, Cania is the 8th layer of Hell. It is a frozen wasteland. You must have a 30th level paladin to go there. What with it being Hell and all.

This might be a very angry play. I asked the "Force of Nature" if her vagina could talk me down after it was over. We will not sit on the front row.

My "Force of Nature" works far harder than me. She always will. Also, I cannot spell "exclamations" either, apparently.

(psst. click for the animation)

I actually overheard a gray-haired lady say these words while I was waiting for my table at the I-Hop, "twisted the heads off of chickens". I believe she was referring to farm work, but I was to hungry to remember the details.

I may have made a broad assumption about country music, jingoism, and ill-informed patriotism. I'm pretty sure a freedom eagle wept.

I hope Willie is no longer pestered by the I.R.S. He got a bad deal on that.